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I have a friend who got a BPD diagnosis by a psychologist. First, I did not believe that psychologist and I told my friend that that's a false diagnosis. He become directly happier. But now when I thinking of it, maybe it's true?

First of all, he is a really good friend, a happy one. But he have his dark sides. And something tells me that he is a narcissist person.

  • He cheating on all test and trying to find a way to a successful life. But even if he try to cheat in school and lie in front of other teachers/test/principals, he still not pass the test and get involved in a education. He always fails. He have always dreamed about creating a carrier and become successful and rich. Once he get into an education, he drops out because he feel that it's "to difficult" and then he call the teachers "dumb assholes" for not passing him the test. He had failed school once and now his grades have very low value and there fore, he can only have "simple jobs". Also he seems to be a person that won't have "advanced" jobs where he need to think and take responsibility.
  • Every girlfriend that have broke up with him, he curse in their name and blame everything on them for example that they are horrible girlfriends that only using him. Even if he still get a new gf, he still trash-talking his own ex for about 1-2 years. For some reason, he seems to be an expert to be non-single. I don't know why. He's longest record of being single is 6 months.
  • He is afraid to be left alone, so he buying a lot of luxury stuffs to his current gf. She treating them like diamonds, but I think that this is the way for him to hold them to him. Giving them stuffs and luxury situations so they they get guilt feelings. Still, he isn't rich, but he have claimed that he are.
  • When he is single, he is like living with his friends. When he have a gf, he ignore his friends and lie to his other friends that they are ignoring him. He told me once that his other friends "Have not call him or trying to contact him". I believed him, but then I talked to his other friends, they told me that that's not true. He haven't ignore me though.
  • He taking medicine because he feeling paranoid. He like to joke about it and laugh how stupid it sounds, but when I really think of it, I think it's quite dangerous to ignore that the person himself have a diagnosis. He seems to be so much normal when I hanging out with him, but everyone else tells me that he have lack of power and sleeps to much.
  • His gf told me that he drinks to much and she don't know why. She also said that he feel so sleepy all the time and have no power at all and according to him, it's his jobs fault. Then I got a flashback "He taking medicine". I think that he haven't told her that he is on medicine.
  • He lies a lot about his wage and social status. If I asking him about his wage, he don't tell me the truth. If he get a new job, he tells me about his job that he is a mini-boss and he control the area. But the real truth is that he is only a junior employee with bad employment contract. But he don't lie about everything. Most of the time, it's truth. But when it comes to wage and working situation, then he is lying about it. He said to me once that he was employed by a large and rich company, but it tends out that was not true at all, he only doing a favor to that company from a smaller poorer company.
  • When he was younger, he saw him self as a shining diamond and he told me that he like to "play" girls. He was a real player, because he had a queue of female teenagers who wanted to date with him. That's true. But today, he feel that he have become the "ugly duck" and hide him self from the social life. Back then, he got large plans to become successful and a real professional and everyone who did not have the "style & class" else where addicts according to him.
  • He HATES to be revealed and if some one else tells him to "shut up" or "sit down" in a very unpleasant way, he will explode after few hours. I remember it when it happens. Old man slammed him with words and called him an idiot and "worlds dumbest person ever". My friend got a breakout later at the night. He could not live with it that an old man told him to "shut up" and humiliating him. Actually, it was my friend fault because this happen, not the old man. But my friend could not accept that he was making the mistake.
  • He have sometimes lack of empathy for other people. I was working as a phone-sells-man and he said that if and old senile lady would call him to buy a phone, he would not doubt to sell her 5 phones + a TV. He have no problems with lying for other people. He feel so comfortable with it. I can see when he is lying. It not so much these days, but it can happen sometimes. It looks like him self believing on his own voice. I remember when we was young and he told me that we are going to skiing. I was going to ski with him + other friends, but when I was arrived, there was nobody there. Then he have done something else, without calling me. I called him (phone) and asked him where he was. He said "I don't feel to skiing today. I'm want to do something else". That hurt my feelings back then because he was "dissing" me. Sure, I was like 13 years old then, but still, even when he was 18 years old, he still had the same behavior to romanticize people and ignore people.
  • His gf seems to accept everything he does. He drinks a lot and seems not to take responsibility of his social life. I remember when he throws beer cans on the yard and said "My yard...my rules". He was pretty drunk, but she seems to be so kind to him and stand up for him all the time. I feel sorry for her, she is an angel and so different from him, and I know that these kind of relationship won't last forever.

Overall, when it comes to BPD-diagnosis, he don't fulfill all of the criterias, but here are things that I haven't told above.

  • Impulsive, for example buying things or when he drinks to much.
  • Naive, for example thinking that the life is easy and everything is made by a push-button.
  • He is not aggressive, at least not when I hanging out with him.
  • He have tried to commit suicide once, when his ex broke up with him. I have never seen he so angry before. He said that everything was her fault. But I know that he is the one who screw it up, as always in his relationships.
  • He is my funniest friend ever. I don't know, but he have a such charisma for doing new things and he seems to know what's fun and what's not fun. I really enjoy to hanging out with him. It feel like to haning out with a child sometimes, because I have known him since I was a child and therefore I get all these memories and flashback of good old times. :) The best thing he said to me once that he said that I was the most wisest and smartest friend he ever had. So even if he might perhaps be a narcissist, he still are kind and funny and a glad person.

So is this the case of a normal BPD-behaviour or does he not have BPD and he is only a narcissist? Or is he just a normal person that haven't grown up and never will?

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No, not all people with BPD are narcissist. However, BPD is linked to lowered empathy according to a scientific study in 2015 from the University of Georgia, with "lowered brain activity in regions important for empathy in individuals ". This could explain some of your friend's behavior, especially the girlfriends breaking up with him since "those with borderline personality disorder, or BPD, a mental illness marked by unstable moods, often experience trouble maintaining interpersonal relationships." according to the study.

It may be possible for someone with BPD to get treatment to be a better person, but that usually requires psychotherapy and/or medication (though medication mostly treats behavioral systems like impulsiveness or aggression.

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  • $\begingroup$ Thank you for the answer. Do you think BPD people can be smart or be "free" from this diagnosis? Sometimes it feel as he is naive and only have lack of life experience. He have always looking for easy ways out from problems. Cheating at school tests, lying in front of people that he is someone else, taking a loan just to fix instead of fixing it by him self. Avoiding important task such as learn to have patience. He have no patience at all. If it's something difficult then he avoiding it or quit it. Is this a case of BPD, or just lazzines? $\endgroup$
    – MrYui
    May 20 '21 at 20:35
  • $\begingroup$ @DanielMårtensson There are ways to treat this behavior and for someone with BPD to become smart or become "free" from this diagnosis. Edited my answer to present this. $\endgroup$
    – Tyler Mc
    May 23 '21 at 14:23
  • $\begingroup$ My friend taking medicin and he becomes very weird he say. He says the he have no feelings and he is always tired when he taking these medicins. $\endgroup$
    – MrYui
    May 24 '21 at 9:17

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