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I've interacted with several individuals over the years that had narcissistic personality disorder. In particular, I find I have difficulty navigating their nebulous relationship with truth and find myself talking in circles when trying to provide them with information they view as negative feedback. After meeting someone that told me about their own experiences with their narcissist ex-husband I decided I should learn specialized behavior modification techniques that would be useful in home and business, should I notice someone exhibiting these behaviors.

What are methods that can be used to provide someone with narcissistic personality disorder with accurate factual feedback without risking triggering either outright deceit or a verbally aggressive reaction?

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    $\begingroup$ Hi, welcome at Cogsci. Your question may be very interesting. However, could you share some initial research you have done yourself. And why are you interested in knowing? $\endgroup$ May 28 '17 at 15:21
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    $\begingroup$ Behavior Modification is the branch of cogsci that you will find your answer in. I have studied basic behavior modification, but I have not studied it too far. I'll wait for someone more versed in behavior modification to chime in. If that does not happen, I'll try my best. $\endgroup$
    – Spero
    May 28 '17 at 16:55
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    $\begingroup$ There is a good practical book about how to deal with narcissists and generally difficult people : just listen by Mark Goulston. The methods described are not scientifically proven, but the author gives some practical advices that he acquired through many years of experience. $\endgroup$ May 29 '17 at 4:55
  • $\begingroup$ Why do you think people get escorted out of the building by security when they get fired? Do you think psychologists have some magic bullet for such situations? $\endgroup$
    – Fizz
    Jan 4 '18 at 12:36
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    $\begingroup$ I'm not sure if this question is framed properly inside of psychology to be on topic on this site. It seems indistinguishable from "how do you deal with difficult people". I'm not sure how you've diagnosed someone with "narcissistic personality disorder" in the scenarios you've described. Are you a psychologist? Did they share their diagnosis with you from a psychologist? $\endgroup$
    – Seanny123
    Jan 5 '18 at 18:06
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To want to have a normal relationship with another person is commendable. Unfortunately, they can't. Their inability to receive feedback is a part of their diagnosis. Attempts to do so will also cause them to escalate, as they are responding to the denial of their perception of reality, not the actual facts. How you communicate the facts won't matter to them, as the facts are disproving their view of reality. Merely having the facts presented to them is enough to trigger their escalation.

Most neurotypical persons have been conditioned by society to ask themselves if they may be in the wrong when someone responds in the ways someone with a narcissism diagnosis usually responds. Unfortunately, when interacting with a narcissist that isn't the case. Narcissists often blame others as a part of the narcissist's own maladjusted behavior, not because the other person is actually at fault. This reaction is actually a part of the diagnostic criteria used to diagnose the condition. To get around that quality would go a long way in helping clinicians treat the condition.

It is worth noting that narcissism, as a clinical condition, is so severe as to qualify as a personality disorder. The person's behavior will not be consistent with either your expectations or reality, but since narcissists go to elaborate lengths to conceal their own misconduct there is often no way to expect that at first. Since they stress their need to conform and to project success they often appear to be very well-adjusted. Many narcissists use their skills at deceit to advance professionally, and often become problematic for a formal environment to deal with. If you're encountering a narcissist in a professional environment be cautioned that they're going to be highly toxic to your career, as they will be willing to pursue you in a very vindictive fashion.

Unfortunately their inability to receive feedback is similar to the way a schizophrenic reacts when you deny their delusions. The narcissist's mind perceives themselves in an unrealistic fashion and is willing to tamper with records and evidence in an attempt to deny reality. If you contradict their perceptions of themselves and the context surrounding themselves the narcissist will escalate, as you are now evidence that their perceptions are wrong. They are responding to the denial of their perception of reality, not the actual facts. No statement that includes them in any way is going to be tolerated.

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Great question. Thinking has recently evolved on this subject. Amanda Ripley's book, High Conflict, shows that people who seemed to not have reasonable ideals and not listen can actually start to listen and have us understand their ideals too (even if we don't agree).

I have opened a new question to zero in on any differences between narcissistic ego and normal ego that might not be related to high conflict.

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