I want to start off by saying that I have been a stutterer for the most of my life (I am 18) and now it is significantly bad. I noticed that the whole last year was totally stutter-free but this year, it has turned bad once again. The stuttering does not differ when talking to strangers, family, doing presentations at Uni or talking in general - I stutter equally in each situation. However, I do not stutter at all when I am alone or talking to my pets. In fact, I have a youtube channel where I upload videos containing several analysis of different scientific topics(devised by me), in which I do not read directly from any paper but I have all the information stored in my head. I do not stutter in any of these videos and I am talking A LOT so it is really weird to my that I can talk to myself and talk to my pet, and record videos where I theoretically know that it will be heard by others, all without stuttering. But when I am surrounded by people (it does not matter who it is), I stutter. So why does my brain reject to let the words come out/let me exhale fully with the given combination of vibration and position of my tongue etc.. Note: I do BLOCKS as my type of stuttering and not repetitions etc. like some people. I have noticed that when I am alone, my brain focuses at what I am looking at or the actual content of what I am currently saying but when I am surrounded by someone, my brain, in some way, focuses on every single word that I am saying. Sometimes, I even see the words as letters before saying them(if I actually manage to get the word out after a potential block). Anyway, I could explain a lot of my further observations but I do not think that would be beneficial.
So my questions are:
- Why can I speak loudly to myself without any problems and why can I record yt videos containing long analysis of different scientific topics, where I even know that somebody will listen and "judge" it?
- Why does my brain act very different when I am together with any human being?
- How can I reprogram my brain to do the same thing that it does when I am alone or talking to my pet, when I am together with one or more human beings? I do not have a lack of confidence when talking to other people. Of course, I am scared of stuttering whenever I start talking to somebody, no matter how much I try to convince myself about that if I can speak when being alone, and that I actually have taught some people about different topics on my youtube channel, I can do just perfect now.
Thank you so much! It would really mean more than just a lot if you would answer or at least share your thoughts!