I'm interested in the mechanism behind a personality that can outburst anger rapidly and consistently for a long period. I've done some research and stumbled upon this issue described by multiple different people, typically about a female rejecting her partner, which makes me think it has some biological basis.

Within a certain time after a relationship starts, 6 months to 4 years an otherwise very desirable woman starts to have explosive anger outbursts over trivial issues and big issues alike. The words spoken and faults given during these temper outbursts does not matter, yet they follow a remarkably similar pattern:

  • very rapid onset (15 seconds or less from baseline to angry) and long duration (up to 3 hours to flare up again)
  • near total suppression of logical ability (will not see logic or reason)
  • total shut down of empathy (makes very hurtful comments, emotionally abusive)
  • significant drop in self awareness (can't see that acting like this is not appropriate and feels self justified)
  • perception changes (you ALWAYS do that, you NEVER do this)
  • does not want to be touched and actively rejects attempts at physical comforting
  • pushes the man out or continues the episode till the man can't take it any more and leaves
  • poor recollection of what happened during the episode later
  • likely to occur after 1 month of cohabitation, and can occur within days of having sex

I've additionally gathered that men in these relationship assume more "feminine" role, while women are more "masculine". I've seen reports of a man bending over backwards to please such woman for years, yet this does not help.

Otherwise the couple say they still love each other and can function normally.

The almost universally given advice is: run, flee, end it. So it appears that behavior is aimed at and quite successful at forcing separation.

Question: Is this some kind of personality disorder? Is there a more scientific term I can use to look up this behavior?

UPDATE: since the question is closed, I will add answer here, as it took me a long time to find relevant info.

The mechanism described here is a clearly observable, biological, cyclical in nature, but it is only a tip of the iceberg of a cluster B personality disordered woman. This pattern of violent outbursts and push/pull dynamics is consistent with borderline personality disorder About 75% cases of BPD are female. I'm amazed at how many books are written on the subject by people who survived relationships with these women. (the male opposite is narcissistic personality disordered men, who deal just as much damage to women)

BPD/NPD has also been described as extremely low agreeableness and emotional stability on big 5 personality traits. During the courtship period, the undesirable traits are obfuscated from the potential partner (so woman who's more disagreeable than 95% of people may look like only 75% disagreeable). That's a major difference which is the cause of much unhappiness in such relationships.

BPD women are quite numerous are prone to emotionally violent anger outbursts, "Projecting" undesirable qualities onto the partner as a mechanism of self defense and avoiding any attempts to point out the pattern. Anecdotal evidence from countless sources suggests it is impossible to argue with a borderline disordered woman, or convince her to get help, as it results in the following:

  • Projection or blame shifting onto the partner
  • Threats of separation
  • Emotional abuse
  • "Circular arguments" that solve nothing

Sometimes these women experience moments of clarity, which only confuse the partner. These moments do not last long. Anecdotal evidence suggests BPD women are very resistant to therapy, and I've read accounts of up to 15 years of seeing psychiatrists/psychologists pass without any change.

It is common for the partner to somehow start accepting blame/fault for these violent outbursts, resulting in a lot of frustrated, depressed and beat up partners and husbands.

  • $\begingroup$ Some symptoms match defensive reactions of borderline personality disorder (fear of abandonment) or narcissistic personality disorder (cannot take criticism/perceived criticism). $\endgroup$
    – Alex Stone
    Dec 14, 2015 at 3:51
  • $\begingroup$ Found 2 related terms - male hyperagency, where all actions are attributed/blamed on male. Another one is female hypoagency, where females are unable to take accountability for their actions. $\endgroup$
    – Alex Stone
    Mar 2, 2016 at 0:58
  • $\begingroup$ For future reference - the pattern is consistent with Borderline Personality Disordered women $\endgroup$
    – Alex Stone
    Mar 23, 2016 at 0:13
  • 1
    $\begingroup$ If it doesn't bother her it's not a personality disorder, just her personality... according to the bible maker anyway: psychology.stackexchange.com/questions/18693/… $\endgroup$ Dec 20, 2017 at 0:21
  • 1
    $\begingroup$ And what you described here is much closer to IED (appropriate coincidence another TLA isn't it?) But do read the "Differential diagnosis" section of that Wikipedia page. $\endgroup$ Dec 20, 2017 at 0:41

1 Answer 1


Most of your list fits for symptoms of lack of will to cooperate. Lack of will to cooperate is likely triggered by lack of sympathy, which again may be triggered by lack of trust. I say 'may' because there are several possible reasons that such situations may occur. Lack of will to cooperate may also be due to personality traits, especially due to low score in the Big 5 personaliy trait Agreeableness. Agreeableness scores the tendency for which a person prefers to cooperate and be altruistic, rather than antisocial and egosentric.

You also mention several signs of being very emotional. This will highly depend on the personality of the woman, more than the sitution itself. Some people naturally respond more emotionally and prefer to use their feelings when making judgments, as opposed to using logic. Emotional instability is especially typical for those with a high score in the Big 5 Neuroticism personality trait. Neuroticism scores the tendency for a person to be 'moody', change mood frequently, respond negatively, get anxious, suspicious and 'overreact'.

Your 'kind of rejection" is not a 'biological defence mechanism by which a woman pushes an unsuitable mate out'. It is the response pattern of a personality type when discontent with another person, regardless of relation status or gender.


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