I'm interested in the mechanism behind a personality that can outburst anger rapidly and consistently for a long period. I've done some research and stumbled upon this issue described by multiple different people, typically about a female rejecting her partner, which makes me think it has some biological basis.
Within a certain time after a relationship starts, 6 months to 4 years an otherwise very desirable woman starts to have explosive anger outbursts over trivial issues and big issues alike. The words spoken and faults given during these temper outbursts does not matter, yet they follow a remarkably similar pattern:
- very rapid onset (15 seconds or less from baseline to angry) and long duration (up to 3 hours to flare up again)
- near total suppression of logical ability (will not see logic or reason)
- total shut down of empathy (makes very hurtful comments, emotionally abusive)
- significant drop in self awareness (can't see that acting like this is not appropriate and feels self justified)
- perception changes (you ALWAYS do that, you NEVER do this)
- does not want to be touched and actively rejects attempts at physical comforting
- pushes the man out or continues the episode till the man can't take it any more and leaves
- poor recollection of what happened during the episode later
- likely to occur after 1 month of cohabitation, and can occur within days of having sex
I've additionally gathered that men in these relationship assume more "feminine" role, while women are more "masculine". I've seen reports of a man bending over backwards to please such woman for years, yet this does not help.
Otherwise the couple say they still love each other and can function normally.
The almost universally given advice is: run, flee, end it. So it appears that behavior is aimed at and quite successful at forcing separation.
Question: Is this some kind of personality disorder? Is there a more scientific term I can use to look up this behavior?
UPDATE: since the question is closed, I will add answer here, as it took me a long time to find relevant info.
The mechanism described here is a clearly observable, biological, cyclical in nature, but it is only a tip of the iceberg of a cluster B personality disordered woman. This pattern of violent outbursts and push/pull dynamics is consistent with borderline personality disorder About 75% cases of BPD are female. I'm amazed at how many books are written on the subject by people who survived relationships with these women. (the male opposite is narcissistic personality disordered men, who deal just as much damage to women)
BPD/NPD has also been described as extremely low agreeableness and emotional stability on big 5 personality traits. During the courtship period, the undesirable traits are obfuscated from the potential partner (so woman who's more disagreeable than 95% of people may look like only 75% disagreeable). That's a major difference which is the cause of much unhappiness in such relationships.
BPD women are quite numerous are prone to emotionally violent anger outbursts, "Projecting" undesirable qualities onto the partner as a mechanism of self defense and avoiding any attempts to point out the pattern. Anecdotal evidence from countless sources suggests it is impossible to argue with a borderline disordered woman, or convince her to get help, as it results in the following:
- Projection or blame shifting onto the partner
- Threats of separation
- Emotional abuse
- "Circular arguments" that solve nothing
Sometimes these women experience moments of clarity, which only confuse the partner. These moments do not last long. Anecdotal evidence suggests BPD women are very resistant to therapy, and I've read accounts of up to 15 years of seeing psychiatrists/psychologists pass without any change.
It is common for the partner to somehow start accepting blame/fault for these violent outbursts, resulting in a lot of frustrated, depressed and beat up partners and husbands.